All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

Regardless of how aware I am about the need for change there is a process, often so painful that keeps pulling me back to what is known and therefore safe despite the fact that it doesn’t serve me anymore. As I remain in the realm of familiarity I become increasingly stressed and emotions take over preventing the smooth transition in the change process. Why?

Every change has its emotional backstage and we tend to go through emotional cycle of grief, anger, bargaining and depression until we are ready to accept the need for change as a positive solution to our problem (Kubler Ross transition (grief) cycle. Originally titled ‘The 5 Stages of Receiving Catastrophic News’)

There is no time limit to how long each cycle lasts; it is highly individual and often related to the scale of change. Recently my bicycle was stolen and I was spinning with emotions as grief kicked in (What will I do without my bike? It was a nice one! Oh, I loved that bike!). The more I grieved the more powerless I felt so anger took over (Petty thieves! Actually I used much stronger word but don’t find it appropriate to share). So I decided to call police and report the stolen bicycle and despite the fact that I was empowered for doing something about it I felt like I was trying to convince police that they absolutely had to find the way to retrieve the missing property. After I heard polite: ‘We cannot guarantee anything’ I sulked into depression about not being mobile and how unfair life was. At the last stage, when acceptance sneaked into my neocortex I finally felt liberated and ready to move on. THE bicycle was not there anymore but I could get another one, or maybe rent a car and go out of town on weekends with dogs… Stolen bike suddenly became an opportunity for embracing change and living new experiences.

Contemplation:

Think of the most recent change you’ve been through. On the scale from 0 (no emotion) – 7 (strong emotion) rate how you felt when you were in grief, anger, bargaining and depression before you were ready to move on to acceptance. How long did this process last? What would you do differently if you were dealing with the same situation again? What would you do the same?

Our only security is our ability to change.  ~John Lilly