Small Steps Coaching Blog » Mindfulness

Emotions (Pride) – Thinking – Acting

Dalida Turkovic — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:57:48 +0000

Emotion: Pride – The wish to maintain the status quo. Unwilling to change or move – therefore, the wish to stop others from movement as they might pass us up.

According to the law of cause and effect:

Thought (cause) = Emotion (effect)/ Emotion (cause) = Action (effect)

Thinking:

I’ll just reflect!; How dare you!; I knew that; I know everything; I know; I won’t associate with “those kind” of people; I’ll look like I’m agreeing and to it my way; I’m better than all of them; I’m better than you; I’m in a better place than all of you; I’m not like them; I’m right; I’m smarter than everyone else; I’m the only one who can do it right; I’m the only one who can get it done; I’m the savior/hero; I’m too busy with important matters to have time for you; It’s your fault; Maybe I’ll do it and maybe I won’t; My way is the only way; What do tehy know; What’s wrong with you; Who do they think they are? Why is everyone so incompetent; You don’t belong; You need me to get it done;

Acting

aloof; arrogant; bigoted; blaming others; boastful; bored; closed; complacent; conceited; detached; disrespectful; distant; dogmatic; egotistical; false humility; gloating; hypocritical; indifferent; know it all; narrow minded; never wrong; opinionated; patronizing; pompous; putting others down; remote; sabotage; sanctimonious; self-absorbed; self-centered; self-important; snobbish; spoiled; stoic; stubborn; stuck-up; talking against others; unforgiving; impenetrable; unreadable; unyielding; withdrawn; walk away;

STOP – CHALLENGE – CHOOSE
Stop: Ask yourself – how do I feel right now? Use emotional dictionary from previous postings if you are not clear about your emotional state. Feel the feeling: where in your body do you feel agitated, frustrated or vengeful? How does that feel? If this feeling was a color what color would it be? Remain with the feeling and watch it transform.

Challenge: Are your thoughts true? How can you know that what you are thinking is absolutely true? Who would you be if you didn’t think those thoughts?

How do you know you are better than all of them? Is it absolutely true that you are the only one in the world who can get things done? How do you know? Who would you be if you didn’t believe this was true?

Choose: What would you do if you loved yourself for who you are? How would that change the state you are in?

When you are dealing with a negative emotion don’t try and get rid of it, its a valid part of you that wants attention simply because there is an imbalance within, so you have to learn to love and accept it.

Here’s a simple little saying to help you remember – When I love it, I move above it. Mark (Anup) Karlsson

Remember:

Emotions reveal the thoughts and patterns that seek attention.

Thoughts are not reality. Thoughts do not define you. You can choose what you think.

Actions speak louder than words (thoughts). Calm your mind and your actions will be more fluid.

Meditation, exercise and healthy food improve the quality of thinking.

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you’re looking down, you can’t see something that’s above you.” C.S. Lewis

Emotions (Anger) – Thinking – Acting

Dalida Turkovic — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:27:10 +0000

Emotion: Anger – The desire to strike out, to hurt and stop the other one, but with hesitation. We might not strike out.

According to the law of cause and effect:

Thought (cause) = Emotion (effect)/ Emotion (cause) = Action (effect)

Thinking:

Do it my way or else; Don’t even think of it; Don’t push me around; Don’t tell me what to do!; Drop dead!; F… off!; F.. you!; Fat chance; Get out of my way; Get even; I’ll get them; I’ll kill you! I’ll never give in; I’m not doing anything; If they don’t listen to me I’ll let them go down the tube; Me do it your way, not on your life; Not a chance; Not on your life; Now you’ll pay; Out of my way; Who do they think they are?; You better do it my way, or else!

Acting

abrasive; abrupt; abusive; aggressive; attacking; barbarous; belligerent; biting; blinded; bloodthirsty; brooding; brusque; brutal; callous; caustic; cold; crazed; cruel; curt; defiant; demanding; deranged; destructive; discourteous; disrespectful; exacting; ferocious; fierce; gruff; harsh; headstrong; heartless; instigating; intimidating; inflexible; invasive; malevolent; maniacal; merciless; nasty; obstinate; offensive; passive-aggressive; petulant; pigheaded; profane; provoking; punishing; pushy; ravaging; rebellious; resistant; rude; ruthless; sarcastic; savage; spiteful; strife; stubborn; talking about others; uncooperative; unyielding; vengeful; vicious;

Challenge: Are your thoughts true? How can you know that what you are thinking is absolutely true? Who would you be if you didn’t think those thoughts?

How do you know your way is the right way? Is it absolutely true that getting even is the right thing to do? How do you know? Who would you be if you didn’t believe this was true?

Choose: What would you do if you loved yourself for who you are? How would that change the state you are in?

Remember:

Emotions reveal the thoughts and patterns that seek attention.

Thoughts are not reality. Thoughts do not define you. You can choose what you think.

Actions speak louder than words (thoughts). Calm your mind and your actions will be more fluid.

Meditation, exercise and healthy food improve the quality of thinking.

“Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.” Buddha

Emotion (Grief) – Thinking – Action

Dalida Turkovic — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 03:20:01 +0000

Emotion: Grief – the desire for someone to help us because we can’t do anything but we think maybe someone else can – we cry out for that someone to do it.

According to the law of cause and effect:

Thought (cause) = Emotion (effect) (cause) = Action (effect)

Thinking:

Do it for me, I can’t do it myself; i can’t do anything about it; I can’t do it right; I’ll never get it right; I’ll never recover; I’m a victim; I’m useless; I’m worthless; It’ll never work; It’s a dead end; It’s no use; It’s too late; It’s too hard; Let it wait; No matter what I do, it doesn’t make a difference; No use, why try; No way, forget about it; No way out; Tomorrow; What’s the use; Why bother

Acting

acting helpless; attention seeking; complaining; crying; dramatizing; flustered; helping others at your own expense; hysterical; martyr; melancholy; moping; morose; needy; neglecting self and others; nostalgia: “the good old days”; putting; seeking comfort; self-conscious; sobbing; suffering; wailing; weeping

STOP – CHALLENGE – CHOOSE

Stop: Ask yourself – how do I feel right now? Use emotional dictionary from previous postings if you are not clear about your emotional state. Feel the feeling: where in your body do you feel disappointed, heartbroken, helpless or sad? How does that feel? If this feeling was a color what color would it be? How does the feeling move in your body – does it start in your chest and move to your stomach? Where does it go next? Remain with the feeling and watch it transform.

Challenge: Are your thoughts true? How can you know that what you are thinking is absolutely true? Who would you be if you didn’t think those thoughts?

How do you know that it will never work? Is it absolutely true that you can’t do it right? How do you know? Who would you be if you didn’t believe this was true?

Choose: What would you do if you loved yourself for who you are? How would that change the state you are in?

Remember:

Emotions reveal the thoughts

Thoughts are not reality. Thoughts do not define you. You can choose what you think.

Actions speak louder than words (thoughts). Calm your mind and your actions will be more fluid.

Meditation, exercise and healthy food improve the quality of thinking.

“To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness” Erich Fromm

Emotional Dictionary – Anger

Dalida Turkovic — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 07:39:41 +0000

abrasive

aggressive

annoyed

argumentative belligerent boiling

brooding

caustic

defiant

demanding

destructive disgust

explosive

fierce

frustrated

fuming

furious

harsh

hatred

hostility

impatience

indignant

irate

jealous

livid

mad

mean

merciless

murderous

outraged

petulant

pushy

rebellious

resentment resistant revolted

rude savage simmering

sizzling

smoldering

spiteful steely stern

stewing stubborn

sullen vengeful

vicious violent

volcanic wicked willful

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

FEELINGS ARE YOUR RESPONSE TO THE REALITY AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS, IF YOU RESIST THEM THEY’LL LAST EVEN LONGER AND CREATE MORE STRESS

FEEL THE FEELINGS AND WATCH THEM TRANSFORM.

Emotional Dictionary – Grief

Dalida Turkovic — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 03:49:12 +0000

abandoned abuse accused

anguished ashamed betrayed blue

cheated despair

disappointed distraught Embarrassed forgotten guilty

Heart-broken heartache heartsick

helpless Hurt if only

ignored inadequate inconsolable

It’s not fair

Left out longing loss melancholy

misunderstood mourning neglected

nobody cares nobody loves me

nostalgia

passed over

pity poor me regret rejected remorse

sadness sorrow

Tearful tormented torn

tortured – unhappy - unloved – unwanted

vulnerable

why me?

wounded

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

FEELINGS ARE YOUR RESPONSE TO THE REALITY AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS, IF YOU RESIST THEM THEY’LL LAST EVEN LONGER AND CREATE MORE STRESS

FEEL THE FEELINGS AND WATCH THEM TRANSFORM.

Emotional Dictionary – Apathy

Dalida Turkovic — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 05:23:16 +0000

bored CAN’T WIN careless COLD cut-off

DEAD defeated DEPRESSED demoralized

DESOLATE despair DISCOURAGED

disillusioned DOOMED drained FAILURE

forgetful FUTILE giving up HARDENED

hopeless HUMORLESS i can’t

I DON’T CARE i don’t count

INTATTENTIVE indecisive INDIFFERENT

invisible IT’S TOO LATE lazy LET IT WAIT

listless LOSER lost NEGATIVE

numb OVERWHELMED powerless RESIGNED

shock SPACED OUT stoned STUCK

too tired UNFEELING unfocused

USELESS vague WASTED

what’s the use WHY TRY? worthless

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

FEELINGS ARE YOUR RESPONSE TO THE REALITY AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS, IF YOU RESIST THEM THEY’LL LAST EVEN LONGER AND CREATE MORE STRESS

FEEL YOUR FEELINGS AND WATCH THEM TRANSFORM.

Heart

Dalida Turkovic — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 03:28:12 +0000

Have you connected with your heart today?

Illusions

Dalida Turkovic — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:54:28 +0000

Look at the images (view the enlarged version by clicking on the images). Are they moving or still?

The website where I found these images www.showsteers.com/ Fun%20Stuff/StressTest.htm states: The patterns are used to test the level of stress a person can handle. The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress. Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly. However, senior citizens and kids see them standing still. None of these images are animated – they are perfectly still.

What happens if you drop the intent into your dantian area (2 fingers below your belly button, inside your belly)?

Try few times – images will stop moving once you are observing from your dantian.

When in a stressful situation next time – use the same trick. Repeat as many times as necessary. It is good to close your eyes and stand in a relaxed way, pretending you are a tree. Imagine roots reaching the middle of the earth coming from the soles of your feet. From your head imagine leaves breathing into your body).

What happens if you stand like that for 10-20 minutes? An hour?

Enjoy experimenting

Living in the Moment

Dalida Turkovic — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 13:04:15 +0000

The first rule of focus is ”Wherever you are be there.” Author Unknown

I have two dogs and do my best to take good care of them: I walk them twice a day, feed them, groom them and take them to the vet if they are ill. I also take time to play with them, roll on the floor and throw a ball while my mind storms through the deadlines, phone calls I have to make, dreams I want to fulfill. I do that unconsciously, mind slips into the ‘figuring out’ mode, takes me away into the future or past events and although I am physically present, in reality I am not. Whenever that happens both dogs simply stop playing and retreat, they actually behave as if I am not there.

Did anything similar ever happen to you? Were you ever at a party worried about tomorrow’s meeting and suddenly realize that people just disappeared? Did you ever try to calm your child down but it just doesn’t stop crying and the more you think about the proposal you have to write the more child cries? If the answer is yes, next time you get into the similar situation stop doing whatever you are doing and breathe! Bring yourself to this moment and live it fully because that is what makes you alive. Develop skill of being present (focused, mindful) each and every moment (not only during meditation – bring that state into everything you do) and observe how life unfolds.

Simple technique to bring yourself to the present moment

Place hand on your heart and focus on your breath. Ask yourself: What is the quality of my breath? How deep is it? What is going on in my body in order for that breath to have its full cycle? And what about this breath? And the next?

Further questions to engage yourself in present moment:

What do I see right now?

What do I smell right now?

What do I hear right now?

How do I feel right now? (remain with the feeling even if it is uncomfortable and keep breathing. Observe how feeling ‘travels’ through your body)

The problem that I am thinking of – can I solve it right now?

This thought that I have – is it related to past, present or future? (if it is related to past or future just let it go and pretend to be Scarlet O’Hara from Gone With the Wind – “I’ll think about it tomorrow”)

Dan Millman’s Law of Presence: Time is a paradox stretching between a “past” and “future” that have no reality except in our own minds. The idea of time is a convention of thought and language, a social agreement. Here is the deeper truth: We have only this moment.