Recently I started to read again an amazing book from Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements. Using four approaches he suggest how to have awaken life, free from the limiting beliefs. The four agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word

Don’t take anything personally

Don’t make assumptions

Always do your best

Below is a story about the last agreement: Always do your best

There was a man who wanted to transcend his suffering so he went to a Buddhist temple to find a Master to help him. He went to the Master and asked, “Master, if I meditate four hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”

The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate four hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in ten years.”

Thinking he could do better, the man then said, “Oh, Master, what if I meditated eight hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”

The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate eight hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in twenty years.”

“But why will it take me longer if I meditate more?” the man asked.

The Master replied, “You are not here to sacrifice your joy or your life. You are here to live, to be happy, and to love. If you can do your best in two hours of meditation, but you spend eight hours instead, you will only grow tired, miss the point, and you won’t enjoy your life. Do your best, and perhaps you will learn that no matter how long you meditate, you can live, love, and be happy.”

Give up and you will succeed, Laozi

I opened the book Tao by Timothy Freke. Page 50-51, I let go of adding anything to it.

The Taoist masters teach that, paradoxically, the best way to succeed at something is not to be attached to the outcome, but to let things evolve naturally in the way they want to. Laozi writes, “The Ancients said: Give up and you will succeed.’ Is this empty nonsense? Try it. If you are sincere, you will find fulfillment.”

Rather than struggling to fulfill our goals, the Taoist masters counsel us to do what we intuitively feel is right and then let go. Zhuangzi warns, “If we are not completely detached from the results of our actions, they inevitably result only in the undesirable.”

The Taoist way is to live in a state of detached equanimity in which we allow the transitory things of life to come and go as they will. It is attachment that causes suffering. Indeed, the more attachment, the more suffering. Confucius explains, “When people wager a piece of pottery they feel composed. When they wager money they become nervous. When they wager gold they completely lose their head. Their ability to function depends on freedom from distraction caused by attachment. Attachment to the outer troubles the interior.”

In encouraging us to be detached, the Taoist masters don’t mean that we should become indifferent or unloving. In fact, being detached and equanimous allows us to be more caring. Attachments trap us in our separate self and it is only when we are free of attachments that we fully express the natural compassion of our deeper nature. Non-attachment is not about being unfeeling. It is loving without expectation. Confucius teaches, “Perfect virtue is compassionate detachment.” Taoism is about being a detached and loving expression of Tao, rather than an anxious and attached egotistical person. Zhuangzi tells us plainly, “if you want union with Tao, let go of all your attachments.”

Are you trying to achieve something, but standing in your own way by being too attached to the outcome? Try doing whatever needs to be done and then trusting life to lead your endeavors to the appropriate outcome.

Be careful not to make letting go a strategy you adopt to try and manipulate life into fulfilling your agenda. Letting go in order to succeed is not the same thing as discovering that if you truly let go, things turn out for the best.

All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. Anthony Robbins

Have you ever thought:

I just can’t do that

That’s just not for me

I lack the ability to

I’m just not good enough to

I just don’t deserve to be

I would love to ….. but I’m just not that kind of person

What is your limiting belief ?

How does it affect your attitude and your behavior?

Have your limiting beliefs become self fulfilling prophecies?

If you want to face and change your limiting beliefs, this is a very interesting NLP exercise:

Museum of Old Beliefs

1. Do you recognize that you have a limiting belief? How would you describe this belief? How does it influence your behavior? How has it served you at a certain time?

2. Can you see that this belief could actually be untrue? Do you have evidence that goes against this limiting belief? When was the first time you had this belief? Have you seen other people change? Do you believe you can change?

3. Maybe this old belief once served you, but now you no longer feel comfortable with it. You don’t have to get totally rid of your old belief, you can put it in into a Museum of Old Beliefs that you can visit when you want and have a look at it, but it will not be part of your life any more.

What is the size, shape, color, texture, location and the smell of your Museum? You can put your old belief in the Museum and leave it there

4. Now, what belief would serve you better at this point in your life? How would you describe this belief? How would you name it?

5. Do you sense that this new belief could be true? Are you open to believing something different from your old belief? Are you ready to embrace a new belief? Can you think of a time in the past when you were open to a new belief? How did you feel then? How do you feel about your new belief now?

6. What are your most dearly held beliefs? How would your life be if you held this new belief in the same way? Can you close your eyes and see, hear, feel, smell how and who you are embracing this new belief? What will you do now that you have this new belief?

If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance. George Bernard Shaw.

Contribution of Peter Strijdonk

“Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and is willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful and discarding what is not.” Virginia Satir

Are you a human being living humanely?

Who are you when you are creative, take risks, live your competences fully?

How do you feel in your body? When was the last time you appreciated yourself for who you are?

What are your strengths? How do you behave when you live from the perspective of your strengths?

What are your weaknesses? What information or skills do you need to obtain in order to minimize effect of your weaknesses at your work and personal life?

To find out about your VIA Signatures Strengths go to  http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx and register. This interesting questionnaire takes about 40 minutes to do and gives insights how to build your life based on strengths. You can also purchase a book “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton or take their http://www.strengthsfinder.com/113647/Homepage.aspx online test.

“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses” Marilyn vos Savant

When your power of perception penetrates every corner, are you capable of knowing nothing? Laozi

Did you know that animals in the wild don’t suffer from stress while animals in captivity do (this includes domestic animals and our dear pets too!)?

There is also an interesting fact that animals know how to shake stress off after a trauma. Imagine two ducks fighting and right after the duel is finished they will shake profusely and ‘paddle’ away from each other. The lake doesn’t become too small for them, on contrary, they will behave as if nothing happened right after the event – the conflict remains in the past and it’s done with.

Unlike ducks… we, humans, often get stuck in the event where incident created strong emotional response. Attached to the scenario that is no longer happening we keep it alive internally, continuously feeding our psyche with the  images, sounds, and emotional states related to the event. STOP!

You probably think: easier said than done! Just for the fun of it, when you get into an overwhelming emotional response when somebody has ‘stepped on your toes’, repeat a mantra to yourself: “I love you, I forgive you, I’m sorry” You stepped on somebody else’s toes? Mantra is: “I love you, please forgive me, I’m sorry” . Observe your emotional reaction to the mantra.

We are delivering a talk about Somatic Experiencing at Kocoon spa lounge on 10th November, 7.30. Below are the details, call to register.

Room 301, 3/F, North Building, Nali Garden, No.81, Sanlitun North Street on the West side of the street,

Telephone: 010- 5208 6068

While searching for inspiration I found a quote from Stacey Charter. I have seen her quotes before but never really knew who she was. So I Googled her and found a site where somebody curious asked the same question: Who is Stacey Charter?  Right below the question there was a response:

Hi I am Stacey Charter.  Not famous though my quotes end up in places that say I’m famous.  Cancer Survivor, divorce survivor, attack survivor and all around positive person.  Still learning to love myself 100% and thrilled that others have  discovered the little pieces of myself I’ve placed on line.  And yes – It’s really me and yes I really did write those quotes.  And someday I’d love to write a book filled with quotes and stories and tears and laughter.  Thanks for asking! staceycharter@yahoo.com

Stacey, thank you for the inspiration!

” Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, make you feel truly alive.” Stacey Charter

If you wish to converse with me, define your terms. Voltaire

Did you know…

(excerpts from the book: Introvert Advantage, HOw to Thrive in an Extrovert World, by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D.)

Introverts tend to:

Keep energy, enthusiasm, and excitement to themselves and share only with those they know very well. Hesitate before sharing parsonal information with others.

Need time to think before responding. Need time to reflect before reacting to outside events.

Prefer communicating one-to-one.

Need to be drawn out or invited to speak, and may prefer written to verbal communication.

May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t (they’re always going over things in their head).

Extroverts tend to:

Share their energy, excitement, and enthusiasm with almost anyone in the vicinity.

Respond quickly to questions and outward events.

Share personal information easily.

Communicate one to one or in groups with equal ease and enjoyment.

Think out loud, interacting with others, and, in the porcess, reach their conclusions. In addition they often don’t give others a chance to speak and don’t always attach tremendous meaning to what they say.

Prefer face-to-face, oral communication over written communication.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.  Robert McCloskey

The cure for boredom is curiosity.  There is no cure for curiosity.  ~Dorothy Parker

Did you know that dopamine regulates feelings of enjoyment and reinforces motivation to proactively perform  activities? It’s functions also include important roles in behavior and cognition, voluntary movement, motivation and reward, sleep, mood, attention and learning.  Simply, the more dopamine our brain produces the faster we learn. Until last week, dopamine was connected with the pleasure system of the brain – the belief was that the more pleasure we experience, the more dopamine brain produces. The latest research in Positive Psychology reveals that dopamine is actually a byproduct of curiosity and the pleasure kicks in only if there is an element of curiosity involved. Do you wonder why that is so?

Enjoy exploring!

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why.  Bernard Baruch

The heart’s field is a carrier of emotional information and a mediator of bio-electromagnetic communication, within and outside the body. Research shows our heart’s field changes distinctly as we experience different emotions. It is registered in people’s brains around us and apparently is capable of affecting cells, water and DNA studied in vitro.

HEARTMATH Institute

Do you know how fear, sadness, grief, happiness and joy feel like? Where in your body do you feel these emotions? Which color are they? Are they soft, hard, smooth or piercing? What is the sound they produce?

Tap into the wisdom of your body, feel the emotions, don’t run away from them. Observe how they move through your body.  Each emotional response carries a message. Remaining present and attuned with that message opens the door to awareness, growth and learning.

We are organizing a workshop The Body as Ultimate Healer: The Power of Somatic Experiencing with Dr Maggie Phillips. For more information check www.small-steps-coaching.com. Looking forward to see you there.